Posted on August 17 2022
CAST BACK TO 2015 WHEN OUR CREW THREW IN AND BUILT THE SOGGYBONES BOWL.
AT THAT MOMENT, IF YOU WARNED ME SOME CLOWN CALLED MARK MCGOWAN WILL BE FORCING THE HERD TO STAY INSIDE, PUSHING DRUGS ON EVERYONE (KIDS INCLUDED) AND DEMANDING PEOPLE QUIT THEIR JOBS IF THEY'RE NOT VACCINATED BY 2022, CHANCES ARE I WOULD HAVE TOLD YOU TO GO JAM IT!
IMAGINE MY RESPONSE IF THE SAME DOG HINTED OUR BELOVED SOGGYBONES BOWL WAS SET TO BE DEMOLISHED FOR A GLORIOUS BUNNINGS SUPER STORE.
FUCK ME SIDEWAYS MARK!
The last few years has contained more uncontrollable toxic crap than those poxy pills you see when the family sits down for a wholesome meal and the nightly news airs. Let me tell ya, Susannah Carr isn’t the only angel here to remind us that life has its up and downs and timing really is everything…
Enough was enough. Fed up with being divided, locked inside, told what to do, spoon fed shit news story after shit news story, we decided it was time to throw a Soggybones party to bring good people back together for good times!
Introducing the 2022 Soggybones Keg N Can Krusher Invitational, a concept geared around fast skateboarding, drinking, loud, live music and pretty much no rules. With the feelers out and the skaters and bands in, the rest of the work was up to the punters, who would ultimately crown the Keg N Can Krusher winner by voting with beer cans!
As luck would have it, Mother Nature turned it on for young and old. 100% chance of rain, you beauty! That equaled 100% chance of carnage and it meant all of the half keeners stayed at home playing with their tiny little phones and we were left with nothing but quality cream.
Anticipation was building and you could hear the scepticism spitting down as dribble began to run from mouths about the conditions being too sketchy (which it was due to the pouring rain) for the keg jump to kick off. Ultimately the longest Keg jump going ahead had to be left for the skaters to decide. The deciding panel including Harry Clark, Jack Todd, Jake Harkins, Aarron Winter, Alec Stook, Brendon Cross, Sunny Cooke and Cory Tyers…
After a few practice runs down the driveway, the kicker either took skin or instilled faith in what lay ahead. Within a few moments the skaters weighed up the risk, and before you could say, “Another Shelter” to Kurt our leading bar man, the longest keg jump was chugging full steam. Punters gathered down the driveway, Luke Ward screaming profanities on the mic and Jack Todd, Jake Harkins, Alec Stook, Brendon Cross and Scott Davis ready to battle it out for the $200 Old Habits bar card.
In the end it was Brendon Cross and Jack Todd down to the final keg and it was the equivalent of 10 kegs in the wet that secured the win for Jack Todd (Beyond Skate, GMTA Skateboards, Plead The Fifth). Relieved everyone survived the opening event, the crowd was starting to boil, they'd had a taste, eye wobbles, jaws on the floor, hungry for more. It was time to head inside to let loose on the invitational bowl jam, so let's go.
ALL PHOTOS YOB
The music started as the people entered the bowl area to witness the first bowl jam comp ever held at the famously tight and crusty Soggybones bowl…and the cage was about to get the biggest rattling of its life!
“Lost in a sea of combat boots, Flush the bouncers with wasted youth, When did punk rock become so safe? When did the scene become a joke? The kids who used to live for beer and speed now want their fries and coke, Cursing and flipping birds are not allowed, In fact let’s keep noise levels down…”
I'm backing it NOFX, Fuck that noise! Six skaters, invited to skate for sixty minutes with the winner ultimately crowned by the punters with beer. Each punter handed a free Shelter beer upon entry, doubling as their voting ticket.
CORY TYERS / PHOTO YOB
Skaters included Jon Cahill, Sunny Cooke, Brendon Cross, Swelbow, Scotty Davis and Hesh Cozza.
Everyone skating outside of their skin, pushing limits and each other, going harder and harder for sixty minutes of madness.
After it all the votes were tallied, Jon Cahill emerging with the most beer cans in his bin, $500 cash, a snapped knee cap for his wild effort at pulling in off the rafter and ultimate bragging rights as the winner of the 2022 Keg N Can Krusher! Who are we kidding, everyone was grinners!
JON CAHIL - DNL - KNEE CAP SNAPPER / PHOTO YOB
CORY TYERS / PHOTO YOB
JON CAHIL / PHOTO YOB
SWELBOW / PHOTO YOB
SWELBOW / PHOTO LIVID
JON CAHILL / PHOTO YOB
SUNNY COOKE / PHOTO YOB
SUNNY COOKE / PHOTO YOB
BRENDON CROSS / PHOTO LIVID
BRENDON CROSS / PHOTO YOB
YOB + BDOG / PHOTO LIVID
BANDS [ INDIGO BLAZE - FREAK VIBE - LAZER GATOR]
LAZER GATOR - PHOTO LIVID
Presentations followed by bands and the crowd growing stronger and stronger by the minute. As the clock struck 9.30pm the hyped up crowd put on a warm welcome for Indigo Blaze, who went nuts. Next up was Freak Vibe, ffs this was a show and a half! Absolute nutters.
Holy shit, the energy in the room was next level, even some horny fucker who couldn’t wait for the 2023 fireman calendar decided to trigger the fire alarm.
[ On a serious note, taking resources and firemen away from potentially dangerous, life threatening situations so they can attend our event and to your selfish fetish over fireman is not cool! ]
And closing the show....Lazer Gator! Legit, wizards!!! That was incredible.
Besides educating the fool horny for a fireman, that was a proper party, everyone rocked and we can’t wait to welcome you back for Keg N Can Krusher Round 2!!!
Big thanks to Old Habits www.oldhabitsbar.com.au for hosting us, go support their bar, Shelter Brewery, The Litt App and Royal’s Chicken and Burgers for supporting the event! Also shout out to Shaun from Zen Bonsai Gardening for donating $100 for second place bowl skater and $50 for third place.
Rest up Jonny Cahill. Cheers to everyone who threw down to help the night run smoothly, thanks to the skaters for ripping, all of the bands for rocking the roof off and all of you for coming and bringing the good vibes, looking out for each other and deleting any bullshit, we all family!
Adios, Yob and Soggybones.
SEE YA FOR ROUND TWO! CHEERS HEAPS!
ALL BAND PHOTOS LIVID